there's more to living than being alive

You really have no idea how happy you make me. For the most part, my day today was shit, but as soon as I came home and saw your face, everything was okay again and I found myself smiling from ear to ear. You never fail to put a smile on my face whenever we talk. You have changed me for the better and I cannot thank you enough. Whenever I’m upset or something’s bothering me, you’re the first person I turn to for help or for a laugh. Yes, there are times that I get annoyed with you or get angry at you for stupid reasons, but I still wouldn’t trade that for anything. Everything you’ve done for me, no matter how much I buy or do for you, can ever be repaid. You truly are my better half and the rock that keeps me grounded. Thank you for everything you’ve done, everything you are, and everything you’re going to be.

P.S - this post has been brought to you by the cheesiest of cheese.

Does 15 years of friendship mean nothing to you? We’ve been best friends, practically sisters, for almost 15 damn years. We’ve been through so much together and you know more about me than anyone else in this world. Through thick and thin, we’ve always been by each other’s side. Never, in those years of friendship have we ever gotten in a fight or even remotely mad at each other where we wouldn’t speak to one another. You honestly were the only person I could fully trust in my life. I say were, only because I don’t even think you’re my friend anymore. I know that I will always be your friend and will always be there when you need me, but I don’t think you feel the same way about me. I don’t want to sound like a bad guy here, but ever since you started dating him, you’ve changed.

You are not the same girl that I called my best friend for 15 years. I really hate to say this, but he’s changed you, for the worst. I’m not the only one who has noticed it. Your family, your other friends and even my parents have noticed the change. God, you used to get dressed up to hang out with me. We could make plans to have a movie night at my house and you would show up looking like you were going out to a fancy restaurant or something. You always cared so much about how you looked and always had such a bubbly, wonderful personality. Last few times I’ve seen you, you look like a completely different person and have acted like one too. You’re not as fun or caring as you used to be. I really miss the girl you were before he came along. I always looked forward to hanging out with you because we were always so crazy, even if we were just driving around blasting music.

What really upsets me most is that it seems like you could care less that we’re no longer really speaking, or even friends at all. We went from spending every day over the summer together to nothing at all. Over the span of a few months, this guy has completely changed who you are. I was accepting of him at first, but I can’t like him anymore. Not after what I’ve seen him do to my best friend. He has taken my best friend from me and basically is my replacement. You’re not the same fun, loving and easy going person you used to be. When I talk to you, I feel so distant. I feel like you’re always holding things back from me since he’s been around. I also can’t hang out with you alone anymore. He’s always with you. Even if we have gotten to hang out one on one, I always seem to find myself seeming him at some point during those hours. Your life truly revolves around him now and you don’t seem to care about anyone or anything else.

I’m scared. I’ve lost you as a friend already, but I’m scared of what else could happen. You’re losing your family and potentially losing one of the only other true friends you have left. You are soon to be left with nothing, but him. What happens when you guys split? I’m watching your life fall apart right in front of you, and it breaks my heart. You have so much potential and could really be something in your life, but I feel like he’s holding you back. I know people change, but I never thought, in my life, that you would change like this. You are so much better than this. I’m hoping that soon enough you will come to your senses and see the mess he has caused in your life. You’re falling apart. It hurts to watch it happen, but you want nothing to do with me anymore so I can only sit here and watch you fall, praying that you’ll get your life back in order soon. I miss you. I miss the girl I used to call my best friend, not the girl you have become. I just want my best friend of 15 years back. This is slowly killing me.

We’re never gonna be the same again, bury me I’m not your friend.

It’s my “best friends” birthday today and I just now texted her. I debated all day not wishing her a happy birthday because of this whole situation in. I put best friend in quotations because I’m not even sure if we’re friends anymore. In the last two months, she has put no effort in fixing what’s come between us. I decided to be the bigger person though and wish her a good one. I don’t care if she doesn’t want to be friends anymore, she will always be my best friend in my heart. I’ve gone through everything with her and she knows me better than anyone else. It kills to see our friendship fade away like this, over some guy, but all I can hope is that she’s okay and happy. I haven’t gotten a response from the text, but honestly, I’m not expecting to. This is what I get for being a good person. Always let down, even by the people who I thought loved me. I’m done now contacting her. Balls in your court now to make things right. I know I said that a few weeks ago, but you made an effort for one day and haven’t heard from you since. Guess I’m always the bad guy.